Jamburger Before His Departure
The Jamburger Chronicles
-An epic saga of a Paper Hamburger Jellyfish
The Jamburger story began about 2 years ago when a paper hamburger jellyfish named Jamburger was looking for a place to saddle up for a while. I was lucky enough to catch wind of this, and I promptly got the OK from my roommates to allow this mystical creature to become a denizen of our abode. Jamburger's charm and downright impressive skills in the field of debauchery propelled him quickly to an iconic status in our house, making him not only a full-roommate, but also a life-long friend. After about a year and half of living with this legend, we decided a crazy bash honoring Jamburger was more than overdue. We put together a Jamburger-Fest party with a live concert on the roof where Kory and Casey Nagler played music while Jamburger swayed magistically in front of the hundreds of spectators. Little did we know, this wild event was more than just a drunken slew of music and people tipping their hat to extraordinary comrade. This night also marked the time that Jamburger decided to take a break from his life at the "Developing Nation" where he and his roommates were residing and hit the ol' dusty trail to go and explore the space. His unannounced departure hit me like a midntight freight train, leaving me in a sober daze. My anguish was subdued when I recieved an email from Jamburger about a week after his exodus. I try now not to loath in self-pity for the lack of Jamburger in my life, but instead relish in this bellyfish's ability to travel the world and raise smiles every step of the way. Below is the correspondence I've had with Jamburger, including all the pictures he's sent. I can only hope that the Jamburger Chronicles continue, stretching the epic saga of a Paper Hamburger Jellyfish further into absurdity.
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Jamburger Before His Departure |
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The Jamburger Chronicles
Aloha meatheads, how'd you fair at the rager? Sorry no long goodbye(as you can see, this happy meal had priorities). I wanted to thank you for the rooftop recognition. Ya see, up on the house, It occured to me that the world was so much bigger than I'd known. I've got some plans to do something about my newfound vagabond destiny. You'll be in the thoughts of this high-calorie-invertibrate every leg of my journey. I will keep in touch, as you are all friends of mine. Until next time, JB
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Oh Jamburger my Jamburger. We apologize for the tardiness of our response...but we were thrilled to see you hooked up with someone with as big of buns as you. The days all long and cold and we havent slept. We find ourselves in a chronic pickle without your presence (or lack there of). I hope you dont have any beef with us...maybe you just had to go out and find yourself a little Porteguse MantaWhore. But before you go on a retched sabatical of debauch just remember your the big Mac round these parts. Lettuce prove our unwaivering dedication to you...we hope you float home to this sea of love. It's what Maxxx, Brody, and Casey would want. |
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Mona-laca-hiki bro-ches! Hotter than a cast iron skillet in Hawaii 5-0…Slap some pineapple on my ass, we’re talking Cheeseburger In Paradise! Still miss my boys, but I won’t forget ya. I still relish the thought of us uniting…someday… But my, what a big world! Keep realing the real and tell me how you feel. Mayo days be filled with joy. |
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Jamburger. Just when i thought you had reached the absolute pinacle of personified glory, you go and shatter new ground with your outrageous travels across the pacific. I know you're probably disappointed in the longevity of lag between this letter and your last correspondence. I suppose my complacency only affirms your decision to grace around the globe independent style. At least know that the Jamburger phenomenon has caught the peninsula like a raging wildfire (and has spread throughout most of the state). I speak daily of you with passionate respect, and although my selfish gene is rampant with a longing to reunite, i realize that your just out there realing the real...doing whatcha gotta do...and that my good friend, is praiseworthy. Hawaii looks amazing...the cosmic rays splashing on your golden brown bun buns. Just dont get too cooked over there...you know ol duder likes his burgs medium-rare. The pictures you sent have been circulating between many circles and have arisen a ubiquitous roar of astonishment. I can only hope that the Jamburger-Chronicles continue into the future, for i have grandeous plans to make a scrapbook to comemorate the saga that has unfolded. This tale is so awesome (awesome in its orginal meaning...like the awesomeness of the universe...not the diluted awesome dude usage in the youth vernacular) that the scrapbook may even need to be published to quiet the public demand for physical chronology of Jamburger's endevours. I miss you indefinitely...so much that i made a cardboard-gyro-octapus to try to quiet my heart's moans and groans....but apparently nothing can replace the magic of a paper-hamburger-jellyfish. You're my hero and I hope to hear from you soon. |
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State side, down at Pride! Fransisco and the Summer of Love! The historical earthquake town has this burger coming with a shake, ya Dig? I'm still "medium rare", despite all the heat in Hula-town, so don't you worry. However, things are tempting me towards "well" down in the Forn-I-A. Its like the Beach Boys almost said, "I wish they all could be California Grills..." Hope all is well for you goonatics. Pride parade was epic. Golden-Gate, great. Reality has been kept. |
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Delinquent travel styles and some frequent flyer miles, I be playing the airlines like a game of jacks! I even got to the cock-pit (that's right, fellas!). Flip ya on the see-side! |
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| Yo Yo JB... I know you probably surfed the pacific waves like blood-hungry pig, but now you're hitting the cyber waves. I've got this saga on the world wide web now so everyone can get a piece. California looked great...glad you could let your freak-flag fly and show some liberal support. Just got your last email and already showed it to all the jamuburger followers. I hope your flying somewhere spicy... More good words are said at the web site (i may be updating it soon, so keep watch) , so i'll leave it at that for now. Here's the website...just enter and click on the jamburger link... http://olypen.com/nagler Hope to hear from you soon....gosh your great. -Casey |
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| I'm well aware of tasty treats, but none can match these sinful streets... Like a Bacon Double Cheese, sub the Bacon strip for the Vegas trip! Ahh, the Vegas...Las winning the winning loss...Southwest America turned vigilante. But you can't save a country's filth without pissing on private property. Jefferson did it. 3 Jefferson's won me 12. Midnight's mid-day when you can't see the sun. Sunny side up? I'm a lunch entree, shitzka-bobs! The Wynn Casino?! Wynn?!! They should call it the Get-Thrown-Out-For-Sneaking-Into-The-Buffet-Cuz-Black-Jack-Ain't-Fair Casino! Trust my blurred vision, gluttony and blatant disregard for responsibility...Or wish me luck. Either way, Scandal, bandle, Randall. JB. |  |
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More to come...